The Robe

When my son was little, he took karate lessons. Before long we were all taking lessons on the family plan. As we circled our family life around karate, we started watching Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris movies for fun. Before long, we couldn’t watch a martial arts film without critiquing the way the fight scenes were portrayed. “That’s not how you do that! Totally unrealistic, etc.” I can imagine lawyers and doctors do the same with TV procedural shows. And am I the only woman who goes crazy when an actress portrays giving birth and instead of pushing, she starts screaming her head off? I mean, come on. Live in the real world. You can’t push and scream at the same time. Haven’t any of these actresses had natural childbirth?

So a little knowledge can spoil a perfectly good story it you let it. For instance, for the past three years that I’ve been sharing the Gospel of salvation through Jesus Christ and His Church with passersby on street corners, I have begun noticing things in classic Christian movies I’d never paid attention to before.

For example, I recently watched the 1956 classic film, THE ROBE, on Netflix. It starred Richard Burton as Roman Tribute Marcellus Gallio who was tormented by his guilty conscience after crucifying Christ. He won His robe playing dice, but when he draped it over his shoulders he acted crazy and went about washing his hands as if he were Lady Macbeth, and going about asking strangers, “Where you out there?”. At one point he decided the robe was bewitched and set off to destroy it, along the way running into some disciples, including Saint Peter.

I loved this film as a kid, and it’s still well done albeit hokey by modern standards. But what I had never noticed as a kid was, throughout the entire film, nobody once said that Jesus was raised from the dead. It’s the central part of the gospel, and nobody said it—not once. There was a little ditty sung by a lame woman about finding the empty tomb, but nothing about resurrection. Christianity was simply portrayed as a philosophy of love and generosity. When Jesus was referred to as a “dead wonder-worker”, I started yelling at the TV, “He’s not dead, He’s alive! Just say it! He defeated death!” As St. Paul wrote in 1st Corinthians chapter 15, “If Christ is not raised from the dead then your faith is in vain…If for this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are the most pitiable people of all..But Christ has been raised from the dead…(and) he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet, and the last enemy is death.”

In one scene Peter healed the slave Demetrius, who had been tortured to the point of death. Or sort of healed him. Even then, it wasn’t by the power of Jesus as when Peter had healed the crippled beggar at the Beautiful Gate in Acts chapter 3. There Peter said to the cripple, “In the name of Jesus the Nazarene, rise and walk.” Then the man rose and jumped around.

In The Robe scene, Peter nudged him, saying, “Demetrius, wake up.” Why couldn’t he have said, “Demetrius, be healed in the name of Jesus”? When the pagan physician asked how he had been healed, the other characters all stood around looking stupid, like, “Golly, I don’t know how to explain it.” The doctor reasonably concluded that sorcery was afoot, and nobody contradicted him. Pathetic. And let’s face it. If Jesus had healed Demetrius through St. Peter, nobody would have needed to carry him in a litter to a carriage to sneak him out of town. Demetrius would have jumped up and raced to the carriage or simply rode a horse because Jesus really heals. There is power in the name of Jesus. But not the Hollywood Jesus. (Sorry about the spoilers, but you’ve had sixty years to watch the movie.)

Then, at the climax, when Marcellus was defending himself before the Roman emperor Caligula, he missed a perfect opportunity to preach the good news. Even then, he never mentioned the resurrection. He said Jesus was a king not of this world, and Marcellus was in his army. Okay. He did say Jesus was Son of God. Good for him. But let’s face facts. That wouldn’t have impressed Caligula. All the Caesars were themselves considered divine. The Romans had all kinds of gods and demi-gods running about. So what was one more? What Marcellus did say was that the robe was going to change the world. I yelled at the TV again. “A robe is not going to change the world?! Jesus changed the world, you idiot, not a robe. Jesus!” If I had my way the line would be rewritten, “Caesar isn’t Lord—Jesus is Lord!!” That is a revolutionary line that would’ve really merited a martyr’s death. But he didn’t listen to me. Marcellus apparently went to his death over some piece of cloth that belonged to a nice guy who the Romans executed. Please! That really is crazy. He had the perfect opportunity to proclaim before caesar the good news of salvation through the forgiveness of our sins (and his last chance) and he flubbed it. If I were Caligula, I would have executed Marcellus twice for being an idiot.

Of course it’s obvious why Hollywood made so-called Christian movies that way. They didn’t want a true Christian message to ruin profits. A nice tame Jesus guru is much easier to sell to a wide audience than a radical divine Christ who says, “pick up your cross and follow me”. The Robe is two hours of entertainment most Americans can watch without it pricking their conscience afterward. Unfortunately for me, I don’t think I can ever watch it again. God ruined the Robe for me.

I have been encouraged in recent years by the increase of some quality faith-based movies. I can recommend “Mary of Nazareth”, “The Passion of the Christ”, and “War Room”. The new Ben Hur is pretty good. Probably my new favorite is “Risen”. Now there is a film that gets in your face. It says, “Jesus is risen in the flesh. Now make a choice.”