I want to see clearly in 2020

Let’s get down to the crux of the matter. I broke my own life principle. It’s the one that says, “Self-pity is the biggest life-sucker there is. Don’t do it..” I started writing down life principles years ago. It’s a good habit. I go back and look then over occasionally, especially when I’m making goals or reviewing them. But I’ll get back to that later.

Anyway, couple of months ago, I thought I had a publisher. I pitched my book to an editor and they were interested. They loved the idea. They loved my character. They asked me to send my first fifty pages. They loved the first 50 pages and asked to read the entire manuscript. So I sent them with a happy heart. In my head, I knew better than to count my chickens before they were hatched. But I thought, at least I have an egg in the incubator. And I started to hope.

Then two weeks later came the news that, although they think I have a lot of talent and they wish me all the best, my story didn’t fit in with their line of books. The editor was kind enough to give me some feedback (a practice frowned upon in the industry because writers tend to get angry when criticized; go figure?). It was good feedback and I’ve taken that feedback to heart and tried to do some rewrites to make it better.

I thought I was fine. I learned at a young age that feeling sorry for myself is a waste of time and does NOTHING to get me out of whatever fix I’m in. However, I felt I needed a little break from writing. After all, I’d been working six hours a day for a long time. Relax and enjoy the holidays, I told myself. I told my husband, “Don’t let me go more than two weeks without writing.” I did write four hours one day. But binge eating and binge Television became my friends and my distraction from the mean keyboard sitting there accusing me. Then procrastination became my lover, and finally my jailer. My ambition to do anything went down the drain. Down I went to the bottom of a quart of Blue Bunny strawberry swirl, and it did no good to tell myself it was sugar-free ice cream. I knew what I was doing, but didn’t seem to have to strength to stop doing it.

Those of you who are wondering, yes, I was shortening my prayer time and I had stopped taking my daily prayer walks, always a comfort, but inconvenient when it snows. “But I see in my body another principle at war with the law of my mind, taking me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Miserable one that I am! Who will deliver me from this mortal body?” (Romans 7:23)

Then, for some reason that could only be grace, on Epiphany night I couldn’t sleep. But instead of sinking further into self-loathing, I was lifted up into Jesus’s embrace. Scriptures started coming into my head and heart and linking to one another in a song of gratitude that filled my heart with peace. I don’t have the words to explain it. At the next day, I got out of bed with a song in my heart and a purpose. I took down the Christmas decorations and cleaned the house. Quite satisfying. Then I took a walk and talked with God for a half hour. Glorious. Then I sat down at my laptop and wrote for four hours. Fruitful.

So I’m looking back at my life principles and looking forward with 2020 vision—I hope. Here are some of mine:

Pray first and last every day. No Bible, no breakfast. No Bible, no bed. (from Deacon Harold Burke-Severs)

If you listen, you can learn something from anybody.

Don’t keep things you don’t use. Use the good china. It’s going to get chipped and be okay with that.

Never lend anything to a friend that you can’t afford to lose. This is the way I keep my friends.

If you have more stuff than you have room to store, get rid of stuff. Don’t buy more storage.

Prayer is a battle. (Too often I lose the battle because I don’t show up.)

Any thing that is worth doing is worth doing badly. (Accept that first draft is going to be crap. Do it anyway.) You’re going to screw up. I do it all the time. What’s important is when it happens, what are you going to do about it?

All things work for the good for those who love God and are called to his purpose (Romans 8:28). That means ALL THINGS. If there were no suffering, there would be no love, no courage, and no stories to write about.

For 2020, let my prayer be O Lord, may I see thee more clearly, love thee more dearly, and follow thee more nearly—(St. Richard of Chichester).